Category: Soul (Blessings, Miracles, Prayer, Spiritual Growth)

Years ago, during a Lenten service at a church, I heard an evangelist from India share this annecdote.  I never forgot it.   I am creating it from the best of my memory, and may get some of the details wrong, I will trust that the original message is conveyed.  I hope you enjoy…

Little Sammy loved two things more than life itself; chocolate and marbles. He loved playing marbles with his best friend, Jenna, who lived next door to him, and he knew she loved chocolate as well.  Jenna and Sammy would often meet in their yards, and, on common ground, would pull out their prized collection of marbles and play with one another, passing the time together without a care in the world.

One day, Sammy came out of his hand with his bag of marbles in one hand, and a handful of chocolates in the other, which he quickly dumped into his right-hand, pants pocket. Jenna, always the adventurer, cheerfully greeted him with an offer, as she, too, quickly put her marbles into her pocket.   “I’ll trade you my best marbles for all the chocolate in your pocket,” she said.

Sammy thought about it.   He would love to have her best marbles, but he wasn’t so sure he was willing to give up all of his cocolate.  As he contemplated, a devilish thought swam around his head – perhaps he would just give her some of the chocolate.  After all, she didn’t really know how many pieces of chocolate were in his pocket.

“Ok,” he said, without hesitation.  He reached into his pocket to pull out the chocolates, but as he did, he left a few pieces in his pocket and pulled out the rest.  He willingly opened his hand for her to see he delectable candies, in their shiny, foil, wrap, and prepared to hand them over.    She reached into her pocket and pulled out her best marbles and held them out for him to see.

He was excited to see the collection of marbles, especially since it contained some that he’d never seen anywhere else.  He eagerly handed over the chocolate pieces, and she eagerly handed over the marbles.  As he put the marbles into his pants pocket, he felt the remaining chocolate kisses, still in his pocket.

Suddenly, a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach came over him.

“Jenna….   did you give me ALL the marbles?” he asked.

“What would make you think I didn’t?” Jenna asked.

you see…  God wants to give us all the marbles.. but what he requires of is is that we give up all of ourselves in order that ALL of His best can be given to us.  When we are able to give up all of ourselves, God is able to bless us with so much more than we could have ever imagined.

Have you given Him all the chocolate so that He can give you ALL of his blessings?  Are you holding some back because you’re afraid to give them up, or afraid you’ll loose to much in the process?

Give Him your all, today.  He’s waiting to give you His best.

Blessings,

SB

Journey For Life

In my twenties, just out of college, I worked for a small contract manufacturing company for a couple of years.  I grew to really hate the job, specifically because I couldn’t stand the owner of the company, who was my boss. I saw him as manipulative, power-hungry person, who created conflict among the team that worked for him so that he could solve their problems for them and they would think him a hero.  He would blow smoke up my skirt to make me think he thought I was wonderful, but that was part of his maniuplation. He relished in the drama he created among the ladies who worked in the shop.  I affectionately referred to him as “the old, fat guy” because he literally ate food off of my plate when we were out to lunch.  It was a toxic environment and I grew to hate it.   I literally found it difficult to get out of bed every day.

I recall distincly the moment I decided I couldn’t take it anymore and began to look for a new job.   As a female electrical engineer, I thought it should be fairly easy to find a new job in what was a decent job market at the time.   After 3 months of sending resumes out to local companies, being fairly selective, I was admitedly frustrated.

Although I had been raised in a Christian home, circumstances in my life had caused me to question God, and I had only recently come to my own personal faith in Him.  I hadn’t learned the art of full surrender to Him in every aspect of my life (and, in fact, wonder if we ever really fully learn that… but that’s a topic for later).  I wrestled a bit with God over the fact that it wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be to find a new job.

I distinctly remember the day I came to the place where I was able to fully surrender that aspect of my life to God’s will. I had gone, by myself, to lunch at a local restaurant, and was having a conversation with God about my frustrations about the job.  I remember saying (hopefully not outloud) “there must be a reason You want me to stay here, so if You do, I am willing to stay.  If there’s someone here who needs to see You in me, I am willing to stay in this job I hate to do what You’ve asked me to do. ” And with that, I was able to completely let go of the situation and, with a peace that I can’t explain, completely gave it up to God.  It was more than just words that I said.  It was a full surrender of my heart to the Master’s will.   Difficult to explain to someone who has not experienced.

Exactly four days later, I was on a sales call in another small town, and I met with the Director of Operations for a manufacturing company.  During our conversation, he mentioned he was looking for a manufacturing engineer.  I told him my background, and handed him a resume (which I happened to have with me).  He intereviewed me on the spot and offered me a job before I left.   I gave my notice the next day (Friday), and the following Monday, began my new job.

I KNEW in that week that what had transpired was more about my obedience to God, and my willingness to TRUST Him than about the job itself.  I KNEW that God was just waiting for me to get the point where I could FULLY SURRENDER to HIM  – relinquishing my control to HIM – and then He answered my prayer.

I wish that I could tell you it’s just as easy as saying, OK, God, it’s yours.   There was more to it than that, but it’s difficult to explain.  There was a feeling that came with truly releasing the control, knowing it was hard to give up, but I knew when I did it.  I wish I could tell you that, because of that experience, I could live a life where I release control to God all the time.     I can’t tell you that.

I am wired to be a take-charge kind of person, and, as such, I tend to find it difficult to relinquish control at all..  not because I don’t want to.  (In fact, I actually prefer sometimes whene other people will step up and control a situation).  But the peace that comes with knowing God has our back and will provide for us better than our wildest imaginations..

It would be nice to think that, because of that experience, I never waivered on surrendering to God.  The truth is, I can only think of a few times in my life where I’ve truly let go to let God.  It’s hard for us to let go of the things that we want to control, but there is freedom in the release.  I want to live my life in the full surrender of God, knowing that His plan is always best for me.  I want to give it all to Him.   I’m finding it difficult to let it go…    not my will, Lord, but Yours.

Laying it down,

Blessings,

SB

 

Today, April 9, 2019 marks the five year anniversary of the day our lives were rocked by a stabbing incident at our high school, where a single student, acting alone, took two 8-inch kitchen knives to school and launched an all-out attack on his fellow-classmates early in the morning in a crowded hallway. In a sense, it’s hard to believe it’s been five years.  In another sense, it seems like a life-time ago.

To those who would suggest this event was a conspiracy theory to further political agendas concerning bullying or weapons, I would literally fight you.  That’s the “mama-bear” instinct in me. I saw some of the physical wounds first hand.  I visited hospitals with families who weren’t sure whether their kids would live.  I witnessed many of the emotional wounds first hand.  I can assure you they were real.

In the days immediately following the attack, I personally drove scads of kids around to various Pittsburgh hospitals to visit their friends who had been stabbed.  My daughter’s boyfriend took a blade to the back which amazingly enough only nicked his liver, but truly missed all vital organs.  He spent a few days in the hospital without food in the event they had to perform surgery, but was lucky enough not to require surgery.  Other victims underwent multiple surgeries to address their extensive wounds.  Miraculously, and only by the hand of God, there was no actual loss of life.  Sometimes I believe that because no one died, people have dismissed the seriousness of the attack.

In the weeks after the event, I found myself literally consumed with needing to know how the community of Columbine, CO recovered from the school shooting that redefined school violence.  I remembered that, in the years prior,  the teachers at our high school went through active shooter training, and being told that the demographics of our community were eerily similar to that of Columbine – that the trainers felt it wasn’t a matter of “if” something would happen in our school, but a matter of “when”.  In a matter of days, I read a 400 page book entitled, Columbine, by Dave Cullen, that depicts the grisly details of the event and the investigation as well as how the community coped (or didn’t).  It felt, at the time, almost as it did on 9/11/2001, and I wondered if and how we’d ever move on.

Five years after the event, and many miles away in respective colleges, my kids and their friends still hear gasps around them when people learn what school they went to. It is as if they can’t seem to get away from it.  The even has shaped all of us to a degree – I’ve seen some students choose careers in law enforcement because of it.  I’ve seen some emerge as leaders, determined to make the world a better place.  I’ve seen others shrivel in the wake of the day.

In a moment when we try to make sense of the violence around us, I cling only to the hope that we have in Jesus for eternity spent with Him.  I pray for His guidance and His continued healing on those who are so desperately broken and need Him so much.  I know His hand is upon us.  I can see His miracles around us every day.

I know they’re rather long, but if you would, I’d be honored if you’d read my previous posts on the subject.

The Blood That was spilled    ( This post was originally posted as a Facebook note in April, 2014, and was shared with over 25,000 views)

Keep ‘em Safe in the Hallways  (This post really dealt with the fact that sometimes we don’t fully understand the reach of our prayers, and the impact they can have).

My heart bleeds for a broken world that needs to know Jesus.

In humble servanthood,

SB

Copyright 2019 Journey For Life – All rights reserved.

 

Lord, I am Yours. Reveal Yourself to me, bring me to Light. Remove from me that which is not of You but bind to me that which is Your plan.

Forgive me for all my sins and unrighteousness, cleanse me.

At the cross, I surrender my life,

I owe all to You

At the cross, where your blood ran red for my sins to wash white, I owe You more than I can ever repay. I am Yours

I claim the victory and strength that You give over the Devil.

I love you, Lord.

Forever and ever,

SB

In my last post, earlier this week, I talked about full surrender to God even when He doesn’t make sense.

In full surrender

In our youth group on Wednesday evening, one of our other leaders brought the message because our pastor and his wife are on a trip. His message was literally about how to have faith in God when He doesn’t make sense.

I know I said I should never be surprised at how God works… do you sense a pattern here? Think He’s trying to tell me something?

The examples Mike used were God asking Abraham to sacrifice his son, Isaac, and God asking Jonah to go to Nineveh, and Gideon’s army. Perhaps I’ll unpack the depth of these accounts later, but I will share a bit about the discussion in our small group afterwards.

Sometime when we read the Bible, we think it’s characters had some supernatural power that gave them the ability to know how things would turn out. But the reality is they are just like you and me… and Abraham, for example, didn’t know for sure that Hod would stop him before he actually sacrificed his son. He was human, just like us.

We talked about how you’d want to be pretty sure it was Gods voice you were hearing, especially if He was asking you to do something that didn’t make sense.

That brought the discussion to discerning Gods voice above all others. How do you know it’s Gods voice instead of one trying to deceive you? One of the girls said God wouldn’t ask you to do something against His word… but isn’t murdering your son against His word? Has God ever asked you to do something you thought was crazy?

Abraham had to know God so well to know it was His voice. He had fully trust God to even begin to do what was asked. In the same situation, I’m not sure if I would have had enough faith, to be perfectly honest. After all, Abraham waited almost 100 years for Isaac… and now being asked to sacrifice?

Are we willing to give up what we believe we want because we trust God so completely with our lives? May I learn to have a faith that strong. I am truly humbled by this lesson that I learned from our other youth leader this week. I am truly honored and humbled by the fact that I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that God is aligning these lessons in my life to keep building me for His purpose in my life.

I love you, Lord. Whatever You’re asking me to do, I am Yours. Mold me, shape me, use me to further Your Kingdom. Humble I pray,

Amen

In faith that amazing things are happening,

SB

Living in full surrender of the one true King…  what does that even mean?

Many years ago, in a previous role within my company, I was a member on a team performing a process audit of one of our suppliers.  During the close-out meeting, our lead auditor summarized the visit by saying, “There are islands of excellence in a sea of mediocrity” I would summarize my life by saying, “There are moments of clarity among a sea of confusion”.  Some of those moments last days, others months or even years, in different aspects of my life.

I can point to specific moments in my life where I felt like I was 100% on-fire to tell everyone I knew what Jesus had done in my life, feeling certain that He called me to take specific initiatives, step out in faith, and trust Him to guide me even though I can’t see where we’re going.  I’ve alluded to this in previous posts – that I’m waiting for a miracle, confident that God will be faithful.

There are times I can feel the miracle swelling like a pregnant deer about to give birth.  Other times I feel it slipping through my hands like grains of sand… and then God sends a sign.

Doors open and close in my year of wait.

I pulled my Bible out the other day, searching for some answers.  I opened to  Deuteronomy 29:4 “But to this day the Lord has not given you a mind that understands or eyes that see or ears that hear.”    I posted it on Facebook to see what other people thought it meant…   I was cautioned not to take it out of context, but in all honesty, I felt a certain peace about it… almost as if God was saying to me, “do you trust me?” as if it’s a question He needs me to answer before He’ll show me more.

Do I trust what He’s doing in my life?   Do I trust the trials He’s brought me through? Am I confident that He’ll bring me through others?   Although there is a part of me that is dying to understand, at the present moment in time, I am resting in the peace that I know He is my Savior, and has created me for a purpose, and, as far as I can tell, I’m still being prepared to fulfill that purpose in a mighty way despite some left turns in my life.

I can see the lamp unto my feet, and I see changes on the horizon, some good, some I’m not sure about, but in all of it, I am trusting Him.

Is that what full surrender is all about?  If so, I’m all in.

Yes, Lord, I trust you – with the little things and with the big things, and I will keep putting one foot in front of the other doing my best to find the path or pasture you have for me.

In Him,

SB

Check out this song that fits my state of mind today…

SMS Shine – David Crowder

 

 

 

In my blog feed yesterday, I came across this post.

Create in me a clean heart from blogger, He Bids Them Come

I know I should never be surprised at the way in which God works, but it was exactly what I needed to hear today.   I can relate to David – not in the exact way in which he sinned, but in the fact that, despite loving God, he found himself doing things he knew he ought not do.  In fact, I daresay that because of the humdingers that David committed, and the fact that God forgave him and cleansed him, gives me hope.

David came to God with a broken and contrite heart, God was faithful to him, and continued to use him.

My heart was broken yesterday, and in humbleness, I bowed before the Lord, asking forgiveness, asking him to clean me and change me.

As a follower of Christ, sometimes I think we paint an image to the rest of the world that our lives are perfect and that we never sin or make mistakes.  What I’ve learned as I walk this road, however, is that I haven’t walked a straight road.  My life is made up of a series of bad decisions and choices, peppered with some better ones, probably not unlike some of you.  I’ve asked Jesus to forgive me and shape me into what He needs me to be.  I am a work in progress for sure, still completely full of the sin that I could let define me but for Jesus.  I still have a sinful nature, and am still drawn to the sins of my youth.

If I could be real for a moment with all of you, following Jesus isn’t about preaching to others to make converts out of them. Following Jesus is about understanding His grace – his unmerited favor – that He gives to us freely when we come to Him with a broken and contrite heart. Following Jesus is about allowing Him to work in your life to shape you, and about walking with others who need Him, too, being real about who you are.

I’d like to think I’m real about who I am.  I am filthy.  I am broken.  I am worthless without Christ. But because of Christ, I am a new creation, and I am able to begin living in ways to help others see Jesus in me, so that they might be drawn to Him.  That’s my hope.  That’s my prayer this morning.

Broken In Him,

SB

 

 

Laying my burdens down before the King of all Creation, asking for cleansing for all my filth, for all my ugliness, forgive me for being so shameless. Help me to be strong in You, to follow you and run from wrong..

Is my stone too big to roll away?

If the stone that covered the tomb could be rolled away, is God able to handle the stone in your life? That thing for which you don’t believe you can be forgiven…

is your stone too big to roll away?

Yes, there are days that I believe my stone is too big to roll away… and true enough, by my own strength it is…

I sometimes forget that the same power that rose Jesus from the grave lives inside of me…that God has sent the Holy Spirit to live inside of me to give me strength when I am weak… when I don’t think I can roll the stone away.

Too often, I feel like I am trapped in my old sins, in my old patterns of self destruction. But God shows me differently.

He shows me that, “if I confess my sins, he is faithful and just and will cleanse us from all unrighteousness”. 1 John 1:9

When we confess our sins, and he forgives, he cleanses us and makes us new. The old things are put behind us. We are a new creature in Him

Blessed to be a new creature today, my friends.

In Him,

SB

Copyright Journey For Life. All rights reserved

If you’ve ever seen the movie, Grand Torino, you may remember the phrase, “get off my lawn”.  The movie opens with the death of Mr. Kowalski’s wife, and the gathering of family after the funeral. In this scene, it is clear that he and the rest of his family do not relate well to one another – in fact, in an understated way, I would say Mr. Kowalski was not particularly nice to the rest of his family, nor the priest with whom his wife had trusted.  Classic model of the “strong, silent type”, his cantankerous demeanor can seem cold and uncaring, even rude.  Although his son tries to interact with him, it is clear that the relationship is tense.

As the movie progresses, the Hmong teenager next door tries to break in and steal Mr. Kowalski’s prized possession, his Grand Torino.  We see that, despite the hard and calloused exterior, deep down, Mr. Kowalski isn’t such a bad guy as he begins to teach the teen some life lessons.

A few weeks ago, I engaged in a discussion with a friend of mine about this movie.  His perspective of the movie was a man who was protecting his prized possession.  Mine was one of familial relationship – or lack thereof.  His perspective was the “bigger picture”, which I believe is the intended perspective the writers / producers had in mind with the movie.  My perspective was more trivial, focused on the characters’ personality, and the fact that he couldn’t get along with either his family or his neighbors and was destined to die a crabby, lonely man.  My perspective was, no doubt, colored by the similarity of the main character to someone in my family (withholding the name to protect the innocent.. lol).   In the movie, Mr. Kowalski had become embittered by life, as has the person I know.  Years ago, a pastor friend of our told me that he knew beneath this person’s gruff exterior lies a tender heart.   I couldn’t see it then; I can’t see it now.

As I reflected the conversation about the movie, and about my own life, I realize that my “dark” years WERE a reflection of the bitterness I developed after losing my dad.  I understand HOW life can hurt and how we can become bitter about things that happen to us.  I get it completely.  But I also know that I didn’t have to stay there… and I didn’t.

What causes life to embitter some people while shaping others to be stronger and relate better to others? What enables some people to pull through the bitterness to become better while others fall prey to life’s snares, becoming disgruntled Mr. Kowalski’s?

In , Ezekiel 36:26 , God says, ²⁶I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh

Out of the ashes, God took me and gave me a purpose – His purpose for my life.

I can honestly say that, because I have chosen to leave the bitteness at Jesus’ feet, He has continued to refine me with a giving heart – a heart that breaks over brokenness and despair; a heart that desperately tries to right the wrongs; a heart with a tremendous capacity to love.

Throughout my life, I have oscillated several time between withdrawing due to pain and standing strong despite the pain.  During one of my withdraw phases, where I made a conscious decision to shut off feelings toward certain people in my life, a friend of mine challenged me that they would rather fully feel at the risk of being hurt than to miss out feeling the deep connection that comes from the right relationships. Having recovered from that withdrawal period, I would now agree with their perspective – it is much better to love fully, risking being hurt than to never experience.

I believe it’s possibly to not become a victim of life. It requires a choice be made on how you respond to things that happen. It requires believing that you are better than your circumstances. It requires inner strength.

Be blessed today, my friends.

SB

Copyright 2019 Journey For Life. All rights reserved

Sometimes if you “color it pretty”, you can make something awful seem altogether pleasant.   I came across the term “happiness engineer” a week or so ago.  Having an engineering background, and a generally positive view of life, I thought the term so idyllic (almost like a Disney Imagineer) that I was immediately intrigued to learn more.   When I read the job description, I discovered it really was a technical customer service professional who works to resolve problems people have with technology.  Don’t get me wrong.  These people are invaluable.  Despite having an engineering degree, my stomach turns in knots at the thought of trying to resolve a problem with my WI-FI repeater, or setting up surround sound for a new TV. There are times when the Happiness Engineer resolves your issue and you are grateful for them – you let them know how much you appreciate their help. But there isn’t anything in me that would make me want to be one of them.

When I was in college, I worked part time at a hardware store called, Hechinger’s (similar to Lowe’s or Home Depot).  I started as a cashier, but was moved into a customer service role at the service desk – a sort of “happiness engineer” for the home improvement world.  (By the way, it is my believe that EVERY person should spend a stint working in the retail or fast food industry just to understand what it’s like so that you can always remember to be nice to those who work in those industries).  The problem with such a role in the retail world is that the public is generally not very nice, and the adage “the customer is always right” sometimes can tempt people to take advantage of the situation.  Typically, customers who came to the service desk were returning items that either didn’t work, were extra, or that they simply didn’t want anymore, so they are already dissatisfied with something.   One evening, an older woman came in and asked for help with her order, and asked if I would accompany her to the “housewares”department.  Glad to help, I actually left my post at the service desk (with others there to help other customers) and spent the next hour or so walking around the store with her at her beck and call, helping her get items that she wanted.  When she was finally done and checked out, I apologized to my manager because it was unusual to leave the service desk for extended period of time, especially to simply help someone shop.    No harm, no foul, he said, glad to help the customer.   Until the next day when she returned.   Both the manager who was there the evening before and I happened to be on duty again when she came back.   To our surprise, she was returning ALL of the items that she bought the night before.   She pointed her finger at me and began yelling obscenities at me and threatening me, blaming me for her purchases.  It was such a bizzare tirade that the store manager actually asked her to leave the store and not come back.  Although I could probably chalk that experience up to an out of the ordinary issue with an older woman perhaps with dementia or mental health issues, it forever colored my desire to work in a customer service role.

As a matter of fact, I used to say that I never wanted to work in either a contract manufacturing role or a customer service role (have you ever heard the adage, “want to make God laugh… tell him your plans”? (topic for another day).   Ironically, I have found myself in BOTH of those roles during my career, the past seven years working in a Service Management role for a medical device company.

Happiness engineer..     there are some people you can’t make happy no matter how hard you try.  (perhaps that’s also a topic for another day…)

What have been your experiences with “happiness engineers”?

Be Blessed today, my friends,

SB