Mentor – Journey-For-Life

…Because I Care

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of lunch with a dear friend, former boss turned motivational speaker – one who challenges me and inspires me to be all I can be. (To understand more about what made him a special leader, see my post: Exceptional! ) As always, lunch was filled with thought provoking discussions and challenges for both his life and mine.

During our lunch, he told me about an upcoming opportunity he has to be the keynote speaker at a school lunch nutritional convention in Minnesota. He’s been asked to provide a motivational speech with a phrase for the audience to “take away”, sort of a theme that can become their mantra. The intention of the convention is to encourage those who are serving lunches to see the students as their customers and infuse a sense of caring into their jobs to make a difference in the lives of the students. As he begins to build his speech, he is leaning toward using the phrase, “I care” for the take-away phrase.

As we were talking, I recounted to him a recent conversation with another special friend, (who also challenges me) who asked me why I do what I do – why I spend hours (in addition to my full-time job) teaching students to play the piano – and hours being a youth leader at my church, talking with broken teenagers looking to find their way – reaching out to broken-hearted people to let them know God loves them. “Why”, he asked, “do you put yourself out there to a world that largely doesn’t care?” His question was well intentioned, his logic that, if the world doesn’t care, why should I?

As I thought how to answer this question to my lunch mate, I recited the story of the boy on the beach, throwing starfish back into the ocean after they’d washed up on the beach. Someone criticized him, asking why he did it when he couldn’t possible save them all. As he picked up a starfish and gently tossed it back into the water, he said, “I made a difference for THAT one”.

My friend paused several times during our conversation to make notes of things we talked about so he could include in the speech. At one point, he said, “you know, for some of these students, a caring lunch lady might be the only sense of caring they feel all day. Everybody just needs to know someone cares.”

And that, my friends, is why I do what I do. To summarize what I’ve heard our pastor say so many times, “you might be the only Jesus that they see.”

Everyone needs to have someone who cares about them. Be that person to someone today.

Be Jesus for someone today.

Blessings,

The Ruffian – Hooligan

During my first year of junior high, I unexpectedly encountered situation with an upper-classmate that some people would refer to a bullying in today’s climate. At the risk of offending some readers, I personally believe the word “bully” is over-used and often applied inappropriately. Be that as it may, my experience taught me something about myself, and about “bullies”.

Tim was in ninth grade when I was in seventh. He was very tall tall with broad shoulders, and wore $hit-kicker boots and a chain from his wallet to his pocket. Greasy, dishwater blond hair touched his shoulders. He was regularly suspended for fighting and had a nasty reputation as a cruel dude. He and I shared the same lunch period (along with 200 of our closest friends) where he sat in the first row of tables closest to the garbage can students used to empty their trays before putting them in the “to be washed” pile.

Every day when I’d take my tray to the garbage can, he would mutter, “Bitch” and other obscenities under his breath. At first, I thought he must be talking about someone else because he didn’t even know me; but it literally happened every single day for the first month or so of school. Many students, back then as well as now, would simply have cowered in intimidation. Some may report either to a friend or a trusted teacher.

One day, I just decided I had enough of Tim. I a moment of fool-headed bravery, I dumped my tray and boldly marched right up to Tim. I got my face up close to his and stuck my finger out and put it in his chest. Undaunted, I proceeded to tell him off, footnoting that his statements were invalid because he didn’t even know me. The look of astonishment on his face was priceless, and I’m sure the scene was comical to spectators who’d never dream a shy, diminutive damsel would have the courage to stand up to such an insolent tormentor.

From that day forward, Tim became my “big brother guardian”. Every time I saw him, he gave me a hug. He’d check in with me on a regular basis to see if anyone was giving me trouble (and he assured me that if anyone ever did, he’d take care of it).

To be sure, there are probably plenty of reasons why bullies do what they do. I always felt that, in Tim’s case, he intimidated people that he could intimidate – and I believe he secretly respected the fact that I stood up to him. Without excusing his behavior, perhaps he was simply looking for someone who would stand up to him .

The incident taught me there are times in life when we must stand up for ourselves. I was proud of myself for having the courage to do it, and the outcome encouraged me to continue to stand strong in the face of difficulty through the rest of my life.

In an odd sense, I’m grateful that Tim taught me about myself. I last saw him at a high school reunion. He had lost his wife (my classmate) to cancer, and was missing a sparkle from his eye, but still hugged me and asked if anyone was giving me trouble.

Have spunk and courage, my friends. Life is tough.

Blessings,

Fixing it ALL – the humbling process of fixing my life.

Many years ago, I was ready to make some life changes. In fact, in January of that year, I decided it was the time to fix EVERYTHING that was wrong with my life! I wrote out a very detailed list of goals – it included perfecting everything in my 1) Physical life/fitness (ie.. get skinny once and for all) 2)Financial (out of debt, college for kids paid for, retirement fully funded, etc) 3) Spiritual life (ie, get to know God in an up close and personal way) and 4) Relational (ie, fix everything that’s ever been wrong in my marriage, become the friend that I should be, etc). I went at it like gangbusters for about 2 weeks. I was conscious of everything I ate and drank, I logged more miles on the treadmill than I had in a very long time. I created a budget, read my Bible every day, tried to engage my husband in deep, philosophical discussions. And then… fell of the wagon. I failed at every single one of my goals.

The problem wasn’t lack of desire… or even that my goals were bad. The problem was that I tried to fix everything all at the same time – and I got overwhelmed, and in the end, fixed nothing.

Fast forward a few years – I learned to set much more REALISTIC goals. Because I had previously learned that I couldn’t fix everything all at the same time, I decided to pick one or two things to really focus on, master, gain some confidence – and then move on to other areas while maintaining the one.

I realize that my life is a work in progress – I didn’t get where I am (either good or bad) overnight, and I’m not going to be able to change overnight either. On occasion, I lose sight of this and become frustrated with people who haven’t “gotten it” yet until I remember that I am still growing too, and there are plenty of things I haven’t “gotten” yet. God allows me to continue growing and learning – He is so much more patient with me than I am with myself or others – I guess that’s why He’s God and I’m not.

As we approach New Years, there are plenty of people making resolutions. My resolution is simply this: to continuously improve something – to consciously work toward making something better tomorrow than it is today – in whatever area of life I choose.

Wishing you all a very Happy New Year, my friends. Thanks so much for supporting my journey!

My challenge to you all today is to leave something better than you found it.

Blessings,

Surviving or thriving? (thoughts to let simmer)

Are you merely surviving? Or thriving?

Good morning, beautiful readers! I just wanted to check to see how you all are doing today? Is it a good day so far?

For some, every day is a struggle – whether emotional, physical, or spiritual, some are facing battles difficult to win. We trudge through life, barely keeping our head above water, overwhelmed by each new battle we face. Often, the trials come at us so quickly, like bullets fired from automatic weapons, that we can barely duck fast enough. Before we can address one crisis, another simmers on the stove beside us.

For others, those i like to call the “thrivers”, life appears easy and effortless, as if there is not a care in the world. To see them from the outside, it appears as though they have everything put together, not facing any battle they cannot win. Sure, they have battles, but they move through them gracefully, unscathed by the barrage of artillery, and continue in bliss as if nothing happened.

Sometimes, the “survivors” begrudge the “thrivers” and accuse them of not living in reality. (I know this, because I am one of them!) I like to think of it differently, mostly because I am a survivor as well as a “thriver”. I have enough battles in my life to know life is difficult, but i truly believe what Jesus told us in John 10:10. “I have come that you may have life and have it more abundantly”. I believe that God intends for us to live a life of purpose, and to be able to see beauty in the world around us.

It is my believe that the difference between merely surviving and thriving comes down to choice. I choose to believe what scripture says and do my best to live as God intended, including wearing my rose colored glasses at times. I admit there are times this is difficult. It’s hard not to look at the events of the world or listen to news stories about people killing people, and hate, and ugliness that abounds. However, as I read the scripture above, I believe that God’s intent is not that we turn a blind eye, but rather that we don’t allow those bad things to change who we are.

My hope for you today is that you are not merely surviving, trudging through another day, but THRIVING! If you are merely surviving, I challenge you to reflect on what it means for you to live life abundantly, and choose to take that thought captive to step toward thriving!

Blessings!

As always, feel free to reach out if you have any questions! You can contact me at sbjourneyforlife@gmail.com.

Word of the day: Simmer

Achieving Goals

I have long-lived my life by the principal of, “it is better to ask forgiveness than permission”. Though several years ago, I had a realization of how theologically wrong this thinking is, it’s been a hard habit to break. Over the past few years, I’ve developed a hobby of sorts – cruising Craig’s List for “treasures”. And I have a garage full of “treasure-projects” now… in fact, I have some under my deck as well. It makes some of you laugh, I know. It does not make my husband laugh.

Several weeks ago, I came across a guy selling giant wooden cable spools for cheap (sometimes they sell for $$$). Turns out, he was in the next town over so I made arrangements to pick up – only they didn’t fit in my van. I had the kids with me and we were driving, and I said, out loud, “If I could only think of someone who has a truck… well, I mean, your dad has a truck, but he doesn’t exactly like my game… who else…” and I went through the list of people I knew who had a truck and would be amenable to my ideas. And I thought of Josh. Josh has a big ole’ diesel truck just like My husband’s, except an automatic. So I asked him if he’d be willing to do me a favor and pick up these spools. I told him my husband didn’t’ know – and he said, “oh, good. I like being an ‘enabler’” Turns out, Josh had knee surgery, so couldn’t drive his truck. But was perfectly willing to let me borrow it, so I asked him to come along. I climbed up in his truck and he handed me the keys and I started her up – diesel engines are LOUD. We drove over to pick the spools up – while en route, I asked Josh if I was making him nervous. “Not at all,” he replied. (Be sure to tell my husband!) We picked up the spools and brought them home – now usually I do these things while my husband is at work, but the only time the spool guy could meet was on a Sunday afternoon. Hubby was home working in his garage. “there’s NO WAY he’s not going to hear this truck coming up the driveway”, I laughed as we approached. But as luck would have it, he did not. We rolled the spools (which fit perfectly in the bed of the truck, I might add), out of the truck and into the backyard, Visible from the driveway, to be sure. He never came out of the garage. In fact, he didn’t’ say a word about it that night. I thought, “There’s no way he didn’t see them… is there?” Nothing the next day, either. Then, on Tuesday, when I came home from work, he gave me a great big hug (out of character, for sure). As he hugged me, he whispered in my ear: “would you PLEASE quit bringing $hit home! Please! You’re killing me”. LOL, I laughed and said that I could not make that promise. Haha. Well. That was before the grand-daddy of all projects. ( I do have plans for the spool(s) – and may have some more coming… shhhhh).

On the following Saturday, Hubby was working, so I decided it was the day I would buy the raw materials to finish my basement. We started it about 12 years ago. Hubs did. He made a spare bedroom (which has now become our oldest daughter’s) and a suite for my mom – and it’s beautiful. The rest of the basement was concrete floor and studs. Several years ago, when the kids were starting to have friends hang out, we covered the studs with black sheets – which was better than studs, but still tacky. I decided it was time to finish it. But I also knew that I have limitations. And I decided it wasn’t worth the hassle of a conversation about it, so I just figured out a way around my limitations. LESSON 1: WHEN YOU HAVE LIMITATIONS, YOU MAY HAVE TO BE CREATIVE ABOUT ACHIEVING YOUR GOALS.

limitations2

I knew I couldn’t’ carry a 4 x 8 sheet of drywall myself. And the thought of taping/sanding, etc, was daunting. I had been thinking about the project for a while, and checking out materials that I thought could be used – I decided I wanted to use brick paneling and make it look like an old exposed brick wall. “don’t’ make it too dark” someone warned me. So off to Home Depot I went because they had the brick paneling with the white grout. When I got there, after I wandered the parking lot for a cart, I asked the man in building materials if he would cut paneling for me. He said, “No”. So there I stood in Home Depot, pulling out my cell to call Lowes to make sure they’d cut it for me. I would have gone to Lowes first anyway (have ALWAYS liked Lowes better) but their brick paneling had black grout and I was afraid it would be too dark. “Yes, you will cut it? Ok, I’m on my way,” I said, and hung up. LESSON 2: SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO COMPROMISE THE SMALL THINGS, WHILE KEEPING YOUR EYE ON THE BIG PICTURE.

I went to Lowes and got my lumber cart and entered the paneling aisle. It’s an aisle I know well, because it has all of the fancy moldings, etc, that I have used on other projects. I found a paneling that I liked (actually, two different ones, for different walls) and started putting it in the cart, one sheet at a time. A customer walked by, looking at something further down the aisle, and then turned around and came back to help me load the rest. God bless him. Then, I took the paneling to the cutter and asked if they would cut it at 32″, leaving a 16″ piece – that way, it was small enough to fit in my van and small enough for me to handle, but would still span the 16″ studs in the basement. They cut all of the paneling – all 16 pieces of it. Then, I paid for it and wheeled my cart to the car. Ok – wind gusts of 35 mph that day in Pittsburgh. Have you ever picked up a thin piece of paneling in a windstorm? I can imagine that was quite a show! I wrestled about 3 pieces into the van when another nice man stopped over to help me. God bless him, too. He said, “Boy, you are sure a strong and independent woman”. I looked at him gratefully and said, “well, maybe, but I sure needed YOUR help.” LESSON NUMBER 3: DON’T BE AFRAID TO ACCEPT HELP, even if you didn’t ask for it.

help

Well, we got the rest loaded into the van, and I brought it home. Already sore from running a 5K that morning, I asked my daughter if she’d help me take it to the basement. We stacked it up… and then I moved it to a location that I thought would be better should Hubby decide to come to the basement (which doesn’t happen all that often). As I moved it, I dropped a stack of the 16″ pieces down my thighs, and they scraped the whole way down – now I’m brush-burned and bruised. .. and sore… lol .

I decided that I was anxious to start, but because I could only work on it when Hubs wasn’t’ home, I decided to take vacation days on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday of that week. The electrician was coming back on Friday, so I wanted to be done with as much as possible. Things were actually going along quite well – I texted a few pictures out to people I trusted to give me good feedback – they told me it looked good. :-0 On Wednesday, Hubs said, “do you think I could take your car on Friday to get the snow tires off? If I do, I’ll be home late. So you won’t have a car.” “Does that mean I get to drive your new truck?” “no” lol Hot dog, I thought – he’ll be late – I can keep working. SURE! That sounded great. And then the weather forecast – 4″ of snow predicted for Saturday. On Thursday night, he said, “I’m not going to take your car, after all”. Dang. Does that mean you’re not going to be late, either? I couldn’t ask that. I just had to accept it.

dang it

So on Friday, he left for work, and I got to work in the basement – a whole week has gone by and he has no idea the work is being done. The electrician comes over and works on the electrical while I worked on the paneling some more. He told me it looked impressive so far, and he was surprised how much had gotten accomplished – and he was surprised I was doing it all by hand – yep, hand saw, paneling nails. Jigsaw for cutting out the outlet holes. Outside wall complete. Inside walls in the process, but with the hardest areas left – the part where the stairs come down – because of a piece of drywall that had been ripped off years ago. The kids come home from school – and they’re all excited to see it getting finished. My daughter said, “just tell Dad when he finds out that he could have done it his way 10 years ago! Now we’re doing it your way!” (she also said she couldn’t wait to come home from college to see what other changes I make in the house… haha maybe it will be in her room lol.) So my son goes back upstairs, but my oldest daughter is standing there with me. The electrician had left for a bit to take something to his daughter at school. Then I see it. Two feet on the stairs… and before I knew it, Hubs was half-way down the stairs with a look on his face like, “what the… ” surprise

he stopped, looked around, and went back upstairs without saying a word. The electrician came back a little while later and was working on the outlet in the corner when Hubs came down the steps again – twice in one day. I could tell he didn’t know there was someone else there, so I said, “would you like to meet my new friend?” praying, “God, please let him be civil”. He was. (Thank you, Jesus). Later, I said to him, “Please don’t’ judge the work until it’s finished – and then tell me I did a good job”. (He’s a perfectionist – and good at everything, so I knew he would be tough to please – not to mention that I hadn’t even mentioned the plan to him!) I said, “Please don’t go down there until it’s done.” He said “oh, don’t worry! I don’t’ want anything to do with it!” ha. Perfect. Until Saturday, when he, once again, came down the stairs. “I thought I asked you not to come down here?!” “I’m just checking out the electrical work,” he said. Yeah, right. Ok. Well, after 17 more trips downstairs “not” checking anything out, he said to me, “you know, years ago, I got these oak wraps for the poles.” “I know – they’re in the closet over there” “surprised you know where they are,” he said. (sheesh, eye roll.) “Well, when you get to that point, if you want, maybe I could help you with that” Wow. That was acceptance. Ok, things would be ok. LESSON 4: TAKE CALCULATED RISKS.

I say “calculated” because it’s never good to be reckless. I was reasonably sure that he wouldn’t divorce me over my decision to finish the basement, but it was a risk I took. (I’ve taken that risk several other times in our 21 years – I don’t recommend it for everyone – but it’s worked out ok for us so far). On Saturday afternoon, he even asked me if I wanted to accompany him to Harbor Freight. YES! I love Harbor Freight – and could surely find some tools… but no, I want to keep working here – thanks for asking. LESSON 5: WHEN YOU’RE BUSTED, OWN IT. Don’t make excuses about it.. it just is what it is.

ownership

Gain acceptance and move on. In fact, owning your goals is really important; there is no one who will care more about achieving your goals than you do. This includes when things are going well as well as when they are not. You are the only one who can refocus your attention when it is needed.

: ceiling – hung all by myself!

: faux brick wall

There you have it – the 5 lessons I learned about achieving goals – hoping this has been a blessing to you! Would love to from you regarding lessons you’ve learned through achieving your goals as well! Feel free to comment below!

Blessings to ya!

Metamorphosis

In the quietness of this morning, as I reflect on God’s mercy, I’m filled with Gratitude that He loves me enough not to leave me where He found me. You see, somewhere along the way, I realized that I didn’t like who I had become. I knew that. I knew I wanted to change, to become something new, but I didn’t know how to start.

I was reminded of a butterfly, that emerges a beautiful creature from a cuccoon. They start a creepy caterpillar 🐛 rather disgusting to look at.

In their initial state, they seemingly bring no value. Their cocoon state is even uglier

But when they emerge from their cocoon, they are a beautiful new creature, with new abilities and a brand new outlook on life.

God is so cool that way! He takes what is seemingly of no value, and breathes new life into it, shaping it into what He intended all along.

If you are feeling like an ugly caterpillar today, the good news is that you do not have to stay where you are. If you are willing, He will take and shape you into a beautiful new creature with a new outlook on life!

For me, the first step was to acknowledge that I wasn’t who I wanted to be. I found role models who exhibited traits I admired and began to emulate. I Asked God to begin shaping me into who He wants me to be and began to listen for His voice. Spending time in His Word helped to fill me with new perspectives, and slowly I began to emerge from my cocoon of self doubt into a new creature. I know that the metamorphosis is not complete but will continue to evolve as I allow Him to continue to shape me in His image. For that, I am eternally grateful to the One who allows me to change.

Blessings,

New International Version Philippians 1:6

being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus

Identity Crisis

https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/27030/posts/1640020686

Who is the person behind the mask?

The reticent smile shadowed by fake happiness.

The person you want me to see, not the person you really are

Beauty and success on the outside, emptiness and bitterness inside

You wear the mask well, but I can tell, because I, too, cover my ugliness

Afraid of what they’d think if they saw your scars, You paint a smile and play the part

You think you know, but you’re not fooling me, it’s easy to tell because I can see

We’re all hiding behind the mask that covers our vulnerabilities

But the One who made us knows what made you you and made me me

We can’t hide forever

Out of the ashes

She slowly emerges, not fully sure that she’s made it. She looked around and realizes that she’s still alive. At first it surprises her, but then she begins to accept it. Trembling, she stumbles to get her feet underneath her and take her first steps. It’s awkward, like a baby deer, but after the first step it two, the exhilaration of survival kicks in and she builds momentum. With every step a new confidence emerges as she sheds the old self. “I am no longer a victim”, she thinks to herself. “I am a victor”. Grateful to those who believed in her when she couldn’t believe in herself, and grateful to her God, who gave her purpose, she now accelerates toward the win, confident that she is fulfilling His (and her) purpose in life. She is victorious.

Brave

Brave enough to take another step when you feel like you can’t. Brave enough to pick yourself up when you’ve fallen. Brave enough to try something new. Brave enough to step out in faith. You are brave enough.

Be Blessed,

Exceptional!

via Daily Prompt: Exceptional

Many visions envelope my head as I reflect on the word, “Exceptional”. Exceptional performance. Exceptional behavior. Exceptional service. Exceptional children. Exceptional teamwork. Exceptional leadership.

Having just completed day 2 of a 3 day leadership program sponsored by my company, I pause to reflect on EXCEPTIONAL LEADERSHIP. In my career, I have been fortunate to have the pleasure and benefit of working for an exceptional leader, one like whom many people can only wish. What made him exceptional was not merely what he accomplished, though we could point to a host of awards and trophies he had earned throughout his career. What made him exceptional wasn’t that his expertise was sought by many, though it was. What made him exceptional was that he genuinely cared about developing people to be the very best that they could be. I knew that he “had my back” and that I could count on him for support and encouragement. He took the word MENTOR as seriously as I wish everyone would.

When I struggled with a particular strategy, or business decision, it would have been easy for him to simply tell me the answer the way many “leaders” would. Instead, he would ask leading and open ended questions to help me determine the best answer. He coached me through various options, gently guiding me in thought processes to help develop the right decision for the situation.

Three particular examples stand out in my mind. First, he took a chance on me. Prior to being hired into my first formal leadership role, I worked as a supplier quality engineer. He took a chance that I could make the leap from independent contributor to manager. During my first year in that role, I lamented the fact that, although “TEAMWORK” was defined as one of our companies’ core competencies, I saw great opportunities to improve within my team alone. I had devised a rather unconventional program to develop teamwork within my team, consisting of a variety of teaming activities designed to help break down the walls of my team members to help them build relationships to enable better performance. My leader believed in me enough to allow me the freedom to try something new and innovative. Although I was criticized by other managers for holding these events, he continued to support me and allowed me the freedom to develop the program so that it could develop the people in my group to be the best they could be.

In the second example, our company was introducing a new way of doing something, and I was at the forefront of it. It wasn’t specifically my idea. However, because of the position I held, it was a natural decision that I become the driver behind the culture change, which you might guess was met with resistance across the larger organization. The change was frightening. In this case, the change required a bit more work due to the regulatory nature of our work, and though not a popular idea, was one that must be introduced if we wanted our company to continue operating in the current spaces. My leader allowed me to become the “expert” in the area, learning the intimate details of how to accomplish what needed to be accomplished. He became my Roadblock Removal Champion. I relied on him for support whenever we had to present our position to the President of the company, and he paved the way to get the support we needed from the President. He didn’t do it for me; he made me do it. But he coached me through my approach, providing tweaks where necessary, and he truly paved the way and removed necessary roadblocks.

The next example involves a mis-hire. The position reported to me and was actually a key position in the paradigm shift mentioned above. We were looking to bring some “expertise” to the new processes, so we reviewed resumes from people who had been performing this type of work. We found what we thought to be a promising candidate, who “wowed” us with his knowledge. My leader and I were both on the interview team who decided to hire this man. About 3 months into his employment, I noticed some inconsistencies in his behavior and his performance, and I voiced my concerns to my leader. We discussed various aspects of my suspicions, and facts gathered, etc. I could tell he didn’t completely agree with my decision on how to handle the situation, and he gave me some alternatives. He asked me to think about the alternatives over a weekend and let me know that he would support whatever decision I made. When we reconvened the following Monday, I reaffirmed my original decision, which in this case was to terminate employment. True to his word, he supported my decision and had my back, despite possibly having a different opinion. In that instance, he allowed me to make the decision that I thought was best, knowing that even if it was the wrong decision, I would learn from the experience.

I could site many other examples of his exceptional leadership, and reasons why I count him a mentor still today, though we have both moved on to different roles and responsibilities. For me, an exceptional leader is not the one who seeks the glory, but the one who strives to develop people to be the very best they can be. Through servant leadership, exceptional leaders accomplish much through their influence. Further, their leadership transcends their role, and ultimate bears fruit in generations of leaders borne out of their abilities. I am forever grateful to have had a wonderful experience with an exceptional leader. (Thank you – you know who you are).