Quality of Life vs Quantity

When I was in California a few weeks ago, I had an opportunity to meet up with my cousin, who lives near Hollywood. He is six years older than me, and both of us are the babies of our families. We spent a good bit of time reminiscing about our childhood and about our grandparents, with whom he spent much time with as a child.

My grandfather was a Tri-State athlete back in the day, and earned many medals in multiple track and field events including shotput, discus, and pole-vaulting. He was very strong, and very muscular, and I can remember him “high jumping” the railings in our split level home well into his seventies.

My grandmother developed Multiple Sclerosis in her 30’s, and had a rare form of it that doctors told her would allow her to live a long life, which she did. For most of my life, however, she was completely crippled, essentially paralyzed from the neck down. My cousin could remember when she could walk without assistance, but my earliest recollection of her walking was with a walker, and mostly I remember her being bound to a wheelchair.

Because of his strength and physique, my grandfather was able to pick her thin but dead-weight body up well into his eighties. He would get her up every day, get her ready, and take her out for a drive. Every single day.

Because she spent most of her time sitting, she developed bed sores and eventually had to have surgery to address them. During her stay in the hospital, she received breathing treatments so that she didn’t develop pneumonia, again because she spent her time laying/sitting, but not really moving. During one of these breathing treatments, she passed out. The nurse, who was very young, said, “oh she must have fallen asleep.” I argued with her, saying that it seemed she’d had a stroke or something, and insisted she get help, which she did. It was difficult to revive her, and the nurses and doctors didn’t believe she had a stroke, but from that point on, she could no longer even talk to us.

She lived for about another two years, in the most agonizing, slow death I’ve ever seen. While my grandfather did his best to care for her, she was eventually put into a nursing home to receive “more care”, though spent most of her time in bed. He spent every day with her, right at her side. I visited every Sunday, and tried my best to keep her updated on my life. All I wanted was to hear her voice, but could only see her eyes looking back at mine, wondering what the thoughts in her head were saying.

I told her about my job, beginning my career as an engineer, our wedding plans, and my cold feet about marriage. I desperately wanted to know what she thought, and tried to read her eyes, but couldn’t.

My prayers for her actually changed to praying God would have mercy on her and take her home. She knew Jesus as her Savior, and there was peace in her journey, but it went on for an agonizing period of time with a horrible quality of life. I got to where, although I would never do it, I understood why people wanted assisted suicides. Watching her die like this, and being able to do nothing to help was one of the most excruciating pains I’ve felt.

My uncle made her a wheelchairs bed so she could attend my wedding. Here she is. (Gramps is right behind Grandma. My cousin, Ed, is in white on left rear, along with rest of the family on mom’s side)

All of this brings to mind the question of whether it’s better to have quality of life verses quantity. I felt as if her quality of life was horrible, yet God chose to leave her here for a very long time. On the other hand, I felt my dad, who died of cancer when he was only 47, wasn’t here long enough.

It seems we don’t have a choice in the matter, but if given the choice, is it better to have quality of life or quantity? Does your decision change if you have security in knowing where you’ll spend eternity? If you have fulfilling relationships? If you have accomplished all you wanted in life or have more to do? I’m interested to hear your thoughts….

Be blessed today, my friends!


Copyright 2019 Journey For Life. All rights reserved.

Waiting on God

A few weeks ago, I downloaded two books to my audible ap, and was blown away by how God worked in my heart when I listened to the first one

Yesterday, I listened to the other one while I had some driving time. It was called Waiting on God by who I thought was Francis Chan. Turns out it’s not really a book at all, but a connection of sermons (or talks) by Francis Chan, Bill Hybels, James MacDonald, and John Ortberg, all dealing with the same topic of waiting on God.

It is incredible to me, although I shouldn’t be surprised by it anymore, that God knows exactly what I need to hear and provides it to me.

One of the challenges about listening to audiobooks while driving, though, is I can’t take notes. I’m going to listen again to the book, this time with my pen and notebook, pulling out the wisdom and reflecting Gods Grace

Essentially the message I heard yesterday was that 1) we cannot expect God to fulfill His promises to us while we are walking in sin. We need to rid sin in our lives and align our hearts to His. 2) our “wait” is not a passive one… that He is shaping us by our experiences while we wait– shaping is FOR the promises He will fulfill in us.

God knows what He’s doing. We need to step back and trust Him.

I’m trying

Id appreciate prayers to help me wait on Gods perfect plan, and allow decisions and circumstances to further shape me to who He wants me to be.

In Him,


Copyright Journey For Life 2019. All rights reserved.

Worth the wait…

2019 – my year of waiting. (The Word – naming my year)  Truth is, I’ve been waiting for some things a short while, and other things a long while.   If we’re all honest with ourselves, we’re probably all in the same boat…  waiting for new opportunities, waiting for a package to arrive, waiting to find true love, waiting to retire, waiting for news from the doctor, waiting for the baby to arrive, waiting for something…

In an interesting turn of events in my life, I find myself at the cusp of a rather big change (details of which I must withhold for now, but where share sometime in the future when it’s appropriate). Due to prior commitments I’ve made, cannot actually make the transition until later this year. In a conversation with one of the stakeholders of the change where I described the delay that must occur, his comment to me was, “It’s ok. We feel you’re worth the wait”.  (Awww.. in all honesty, this was one of the nicest compliments I’ve ever had, personally or professionally).

worth the wait (2)

I think of this in relation to what God has for us…   His plan is worth the wait, but sometimes we (I) are impatient and try to force it to happen in our time.. like Abraham and Sarah, to whom God promised a child, but they waited for what seemed an eternity.  Taking matters into their own hands, Sarah suggested that Abraham get together with their maid-servant, Hagar, which they did, resulting in the birth of Ishmael.  Later, Sarah bore a son. Isaac, just as God had promised.   However, because of their impatience, the bitterness between Ishmael and Isaac became the bitterness we recognize today between the Palestinians and the Jews.  It is interesting and confusing to me that God still blessed Abraham and Sarah with the son He had promised even though they weren’t patient enough to wait for His plan, yet the consequences for the rest of the world have lasted generations.

I’m still learning how to wait – some days are better than others.  I am honestly trying really hard not to simply take matters in my own hand in areas where I am impatient, but instead rest in knowing that God’s plan is best.

I’ll keep waiting…





This or that…

One of the parenting truths I realized as my kids got older is that they will one day be completely responsible for their own choices, just like I was. When they were in high school, instead of giving them a litany of rules to follow, I simply reminded them to “make good choices,” knowing some of them would be good and some maybe not, but they would have to own them.

We have choices in life. Some of our choices are good ones and some, not so much. We’ve all made good ones and we’ve all made bad ones. Even our bad ones, however, seemed good at the time. Hopefully we learn from those to make better choices next time.

I’ve lived long enough to know that every choice has a consequence, which makes some choices extremely difficult to make.

Some of you know I work as a leader with the youth group in our church. Some of our youth are in the process of deciding which college to attend. In discussion about that a few weeks ago, one of them asked our youth pastor his opinion between two schools. His answer was essentially this. (I paraphrase).

A lot of times we feel as though God has a singular path for our lives and we are trying to find it. We think there’s a specific stone path to take and we don’t want to deviate from it, but the reality is that it’s more like a large field with a fence around be the edges to guide us us to follow within boundaries that are healthy for us but we can choose to be wherever we want in the field.

Sometimes it’s easier to make a choice when there isn’t one.

Faced with a “this or that”, the analytical side of me pulls out a spreadsheet to track the pros and cons of each choice, trying to find the best solution. So people make decisions based on gut feel (Myers Briggs calls them the “feelers”). I tend to make decisions based on data (Myers Briggs calls them the “thinkers”, not to imply that those who make decision based on gut don’t think, but rather that they make decision based on intuition rather than data.)  I am ridiculously data focused, perhaps to a fault.

In general, I find it fairly easy to make decisions – some I make quickly, and move on without time to assess regret. I can walk into a store and very quickly peruse the rack and decide if I’m interested in anything or not.  When faced with a really important decision that has the potential to be life-altering, career-altering, or family-altering, however, I pull out the spreadsheet, and try to contemplate potential consequences.

The Bible recommends to seek counsel when making decisions, perhaps from those you trust, or those who have made similar decisions.

20 Hear counsel, receive instruction, and accept correction, that you may be wise in the time to come.

Proverbs 19:20 | AMP

14 Where no wise guidance is, the people fall, but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.

Proverbs 11:14 | AMP

Gathering all the data you can find, seeking counsel of those you trust, some choices are still hard to make. If we could see down the road, around the bend, it would be easier.

I was reminded this morning that sometimes we get only a lamp unto our feet, not a light that lights the whole path.


I guess that’s what faith is for…

Be blessed, today, my friends.


2019 Journey for Life – All rights reserved.


Swimming with Sharks

Sometimes the anxiety caused by the anticipation of facing something or someone difficult is worse than the actual event, meeting, or discussion. We feel vulnerable, especially if we feel outnumbered either by brains or brawn.

Sometimes we forget that we, too, bring value to the table; that we, too, have worth and power.

Sometimes we forget that we belong to a powerful God; that we are His children and He loves us, wants what’s best for us, and will never leave us.

David had only a slingshot and five stones, yet defeated a giant that no one else was able to.

Be confident in yourself and the tools that you’ve been given. If you can’t yet be confident in yourself, be confident in the God who has created and gifted you uniquely for what He’s called you to do.

If He’s called you to it, He’ll enable and equip you to handle it.

Be blessed today, my friends


Dreams … Edgar Allen

Poe is my favorite American writer-cimmerianly intriguing, I am drawn to his work. My favorite poem is Annabel Lee, but this one ranks as well. Enjoy!

A Dream Within a Dream

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow —
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone 
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.
I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand —
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep — while I weep!
O God! Can I not grasp 
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

Setting people free

The picture below was in my Instagram feed tonight. I had forgotten that I “friended” Erwin McManus months ago but it was cool to see this picture in my feed, having been at Mosaic for Code 1 ( fancy name for chapter, I guess).

I read The Way of the Warrior on the plane back to Pittsburgh and have underlined a whole bunch :-). I plan to share my thoughts, but my mom hijacked my book for now. She reads pretty fast so I expect I’ll have it back soon. In the meantime, I can honestly say I do my best to live my life for others and am pretty excited to see God use me to light the world! I don’t know yet whether anyone’s been set free because of me, but I know if I’m faithful to do my part, God will be faithful to do His.

Jesus set me free. Jesus, set them free!

be blessed!


My Utmost for His Highest

Waiting for the vision that tarries is the test of our loyalty to God.

One of my father’s favorite books was a devotional by the title above, written by Oswald Chambers, an early 20th century evangelist.  My mother gave me a copy of it years ago. After I wrote and scheduled today’s post, I went to bed, only to wake up in the middle of the night, and lay there wide awake for a while before picking it up to read March 11.  I should no longer be surprised because God often works this way, but the similarity of topic in my year of WAIT is no coincidence.   Today’s entry, in its entirety, is below:

“I was not disobedient unto the heavenly vision”  Acts 26:19

“If we lose the vision, we alone are responsible, and the way we lose the vision is by spiritual leakage.  If we do not run our belief about God into practical issues, it is all up with the vision God has given. The only way to be obedient to the heavenly vision is to give our utmost for God’s highest, and this can only be done by continually and resolutely recalling the vision.  The test is sixty seconds of every minute, sixty minutes of hour, not our times of prayer and devotional meetings.

“Though it tarry, wait for it.  We cannot attain to a vision, we must live in the inspiration of it until it accomplishes itself.  We get so practical that we forget the vision.  At the beginning we saw it but did not wait for it; we rushed off into practical work, and when the vision was fulfilled, we did not see it.  Waiting for the vision that tarries is the test of our loyalty to God.  It is at the peril of our soul’s welfare that we get caught up in the practical work and miss the fulfillment of the vision.

“Watch God’s cyclones. The only way God sows His saints is by His whirlwind. Are you going to prove an empty pod?  It will depend on whether or not you are actually living in the light of what you have seen. Let God fling you out, and do not go until He does.  If you select your own spot, you will prove an empty pod.  If God sows you, you will bring forth fruit.”

“It is essential to practice the walk of the feet in the light of the vision.”   Oswald Chambers