Psalm 130
As I settle into this notion of “word of the year”, you all know that the word that has been weighing on me is “WAIT”. I want to chose a word that will make me grow.
Waiting for God’s perfect plan and perfect timing sounds so idyllic. The truth is, it’s extremely difficult, and if I’m gut-level honest, I’m terrible at it (which is one of the reasons I believe WAIT will be a good word for my year). I’d like to understand His plan. I’d like to understand why He allows certain things to happen, and others not to happen, and why certain people are in our lives and while others have left. Sometimes I even feel like God owes me (arrogant, I know, and I don’t mean to be, but I’m being truthful). The truth is, He neither owes me a glimpse of that future, nor does he owe me my desires (particularly if they don’t align with His).
In my HEAD, I know and believe Romans 8:28, (“For I know that all things work together for good for those who are in Christ Jesus and are called according to His Promise”), but in my heart, sometimes I’m broken and can’t seem to reconcile the present with what I want the future to be.
This is how I was feeling late last week, while reflecting on recent life events, and I had allowed the darkness to shadow my thinking. On Saturday morning, while on the treadmill, I got a text from one of my prayer warrior friends that simply said, “I’m praying for you today”. I’m awed by how God knows what we need when we need it most. After I finished my workout, I texted her back and, without going into detail, shared that I was struggling with waiting for God to show me something. I told her that I know in my head He’s teaching me something in the process, but was frustrated with the WAIT. I told her that I know He’s not my “Genie” but that I feel like I’ve been “delighting myself in Him” and was ready for the “desires of my heart” knowing full well I was being selfish. She responded by telling me that she understood completely and has been there before and will likely be there again. She said, “when I feel that way, I pray that God would align the desires of my heart and take away any desires I have that are not from Him.” Good advice. Hard to do because we want our desires.
Throughout the day Saturday I kept mulling over a verse that seemed to pop up out of no where. “3 The LORD gives perfect peace to those whose faith is firm.4 So always trust the LORD because he is for ever our mighty rock.”
Isaiah 26:3-4 | CEV
Interestingly enough, Sunday morning sermon was about knowing Gods will for our life.
I’d like to share some of my notes if you don’t mind, because they had such an impact on me (yes, I take notes). They weren’t my words, or even that of out Pastor, but directly from God to my ears.
Psalm 32:8 ” I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go, I will counsel you with my loving eye on you. Do not be like the horse or mule, which have no understanding, but must be controlled with bit and bridle or they will not come to you.”
This verse speaks clearly to me that God wants to show us His will for our lives, but we must be open to hearing it, nor stubborn like a mule or an unbroken horse. This is where it got real for me… when the pastor talked about how sometimes we want what we want because we want it and not necessarily because it’s Gods plan. That’s our stubbornness wanting God to bless our desires. I can sometimes see this stubbornness in others – who say they want to become a disciple of Jesus, but don’t really seem to be seeking His will or trying to learn about Him. But sometimes I can’t see the stubbornness in myself – the stubbornness that wants things to be the way I want them to be.
The second verse that we discussed:
Matthew 16:24-27,”whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world but forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul? For the son of man is going to come with His Father’s glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what they have done”.
When we let go of our selfish wants, denying our selfish wants and open ourselves to what He wants to do in our lives, then and only then are we prepared to hear His will for our lives. Sometimes we aren’t ready to let go, and we miss the blessing.
In a previous post I mentioned I’d share one time in my life where I was able to fully surrender to Gods will. It was my first job out of college. I’d been there for about 18 months and hated it. I couldn’t stand my boss, who was the owner of the company, nor any of the associates. I started looking for a job and, being an engineer, thought it should be easy to find a new one. After three months of looking, I was frustrated. I took myself to lunch one day and wrestled with God over my plight. At some point in my silent tirade, I decided to lay all of it at His feet. I remember praying and asking God to forgive me for being selfish, and that if there was a reason He wanted me to stay in that job, I was willing to stay. Exactly 4 days later, I was visiting a customer when the director of operations mentioned they were looking for an engineer. I happened to have a resume on me so I handed it to him. He interviewed me and offered me a job on the spot. I started the following Monday. I realized in that moment that it wasn’t about the job specifically, but about me being willing to submit to Gods will… and guess what? He gave me the desires of my heart. God was waiting for me to align my will with His.
My friend keeps telling me I don’t need to have all the answers. I am working on letting go and just allowing life to be. Trying to learn to Rest in God and allow Him to sort through my thoughts. Curious to know how you all handle this? Are you better at it than I am? any words of wisdom for me?
Listening all the while for Gods whispers….
Be blessed, my friends
SB
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