Last week, I discovered this song and sent it to my dear friend, who is in a tragic situation right now. I sent it as an SOS to him to let him know God would rescue him.
Last night, my youth pastor played this song as preparation for his message to our kids, and I heard it as a message to me personally.
Over the past few weeks, I have tried desperately to be an advocate for my friend and business partner, who is going through some things I’d never imagined possible. Because of our friendship and business arrangement, I am intertwined in all of it, and experiencing tremendous spiritual warfare which has, admittedly, rocked my faith to the core.
Oh, I believe with my head that God is powerful and can do anything He wants. For a long time, I have been building my faith and have even been told by others that my faith is very strong. Over the past year, God has opened doors of opportunity that only He could open. I know all of this, and when He asked me if I’d still trust Him when things got “really bad”, I said yes, somehow knowing my faith was about to be tested but not realizing I would struggle to pass that test.
On our way to youth group last night, I confessed to my daughter that I was struggling. I’ve always been open and honest with my kids and I apologized to her for allowing her to see that my faith wasn’t strong enough to know that, although I can’t see a way out of the current mess, I need to be confident that God DOES have a plan.
In my doubt, I asked God to show me a sign that validates The path I had taken —the one I believed so fervently was His plan — was, in fact His. To be honest, I feel a bit guilty to have even asked God for that sign, but I did. I got a phone call last night from a perspective student for our business – the woman was thrilled to hear about our business and signed her daughter up for lessons! As I listened to her voicemail on our way to church, tears began to flow and I shared with my daughter my guilt that God has shown me a sign despite my lack of faith in Him.
I’d love to tell you my complete faith has been restored and that I am standing as confidently as Daniel in the Lions den, but that would be false. As real as I can be with you, I share that I am working on it, having moments of confidence amidst many of fear, thankful for some close friends who are praying me through this, telling me that God will not only be my business partner’s advocate but mine.
I do know that God loves me despite my imperfections, and I know He has a plan.
Praying fervently in Him,