Prayer journaling….waymaker

In the early morning hours I find myself longing to hear God, and worship songs are coming to my head. I am worshiping quietly while listening to Sinking Deep, No Longer Slaves, and Way Maker, praying for clarity of vision from Almighty God. the lyrics move me. And I am reminded of the very last thing I felt God say directly to me… in August of last year. “Are you going to trust me when it gets really bad?”

I wish I could define what “really bad” means. Immediately after God spoke that to me, Rob got sick. It took the doctors weeks to determine the cause was the drug he was taking for his cancer. Knowing what we know now, this was probably complicated by his alcohol use. During this time, I found many battles in my mind and my life, some with other Christians who I thought (assumed) would want what’s best for him. I assumed that entire experience was what “really bad” meant, and found myself in a place where ALL I could do was trust Him. Miraculously, God was Robs advocate, and brought healing at that time, to enable further discussion with Rob about his life.

Lord, I’m here now, quiet in Your presence, waiting to hear You speak again to tell me it will all be ok. I know You are a promise keeper and you are making a way for Your will to be done.

I am Yours… and I know You are making all things new.

You are here
Moving in our midst
I worship you
I worship you
You are here
Working in this place
I worship you
I worship you
You are here
Moving in our midst
I worship you
I worship you
You are here
Working in this place
I worship you
I worship youWay maker
Miracle worker
Promise keeper
Light in the darkness
My God
That is who you are
Way maker
Miracle worker
Promise keeper
Light in the darkness
My God
That is who you areYou are here
Touching every heart
I worship you
I worship you
You are here
Healing every heart
I worship you
I worship you
You are here
Turning lives around
I worship you
I worship you
You are here
Mending every heart
I worship you
I worship youWay maker
Miracle worker
Promise keeper
Light in the darkness
That is who you are
Way maker
Miracle worker
Promise keeper
Light in…

Lord, I know You are all powerful, all knowing, loving and just. I’m listening for You, Lord, to show me Your path.

Amen

SB

Prayer Request – Jan 10

Good afternoon, God.  I’m grateful for a brief respite in my day where I can connect with You – there are so many things I want to talk with you about.  After a very hectic day so far, Lord, I quiet my heart to try to hear You, Lord. Speak to me, guide me, let me feel your Presence.

There are so many needs, but I want to specifically pray for my friend, “Rob” now, Lord.  There is so much I’ve understood about his life and his struggles, and so much I don’t.  Without judging him now, Lord, I lift him up to you and ask humbly for two specific things.  1. That you would bring healing to his mind and body right now and 2. That you would be his advocate as he fights his addictions.

Healing:   Lord, I know You are our ultimate physician, and I know we will have ultimate healing in Heaven, but I pray for healing of his mind and body right here on Earth, right now, Lord.  I believe Rob knows You as his Savior.  You’ve told us in Your Word to make our requests known to You, so I am doing that, Lord.   I ‘d like to request that you heal the Urinary Tract infection he has right now that is affecting his ability to comprehend – I pray that you would restore his mind, body and soul to perfect health.  I pray for the cancer in his kidneys – that You would touch the tumors and eliminate them. I pray that You would use the medical staff You’ve assembled, and the hospital equipment and/or treatments available – I ask Your blessing on the staff who is caring for my friend – may they feel Your presence and know that You are guiding them.   I pray You will continue to guide them as they evaluate test results and monitor my friend – that You would give them wisdom to diagnose all that is going on.

Addictions:  Lord, I pray that You would free him from all of his addictions, Lord, whatever they are – I pray that Satan would have no authority in his mind or his body – I know that You are more powerful, and I call upon the name of Jesus.   Replace his desire for alcohol for a desire to know You more – put people in his life who walk consistently with you and can help him be accountable.  I pray, in the name of Jesus, that his addictions would leave his body like an evil spirits being cast out into a bunch of pigs, and that they would not be able to affect him any more, and I pray specifically that he would be filled with obsession to make You Lord of his life. Draw him to you, Lord.

I pray, Lord, that You would illuminate our path, and the reason You brought our friendship together – if it is to help him, I pray that You would help me help him.  I’m in such unfamiliar territory, Lord, please don’t allow me to be fooled by his lies, but to help him find grace, accountability and healing. Equip me to do what You’ve called me to do, and give me courage to continue in the path You set before me.  Bring understanding to those around me who need it.

Father, I also pray for those who have consistently prayed with me in this entire circumstance with my friend – they are friends who are as close as family – and they’ve been so faithful to me as I’ve struggled to understand all of these circumstances – I pray that You would meet their needs, too, Lord, some of which I am aware, and some I am not, but You are.  I pray you would bless their families and their circumstances.

I love You, Lord, and know that You are good.  I trust You completely.

Humbly Yours,

SB

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Word of the year….

Pray

In 2019, my word of the year was WAIT, as I had been waiting for Gods direction in several areas of my life. The word was chosen with careful deliberation in acknowledgment that to wait on Gods timing for significant events in our lives is always best.

As some of you know, 2019 was a pivotal year for me personally, and I saw some thing come to fruition that I had been praying for and waiting for for over a decade.. in the most significant event, I saw the heart of my husband, who I’ve prayed for over 30 years, and had all but given up that he’d ever change, melt. (More on that later)

In 2020, I’ve chosen the word PRAY as it seems most appropriate for my life circumstances.

If you aren’t sure whether prayer works, please subscribe to my journey. I commit to journaling prayer requests in order to show Gods answer to prayer throughout the year.

Be blessed today, my friends.

SB

Pray without ceasing…

Pray without ceasing

This Facebook post from my friends son… the friend who is still detoxing. Although he is through the worst of his withdrawal symptoms, he is still very confused. The nurses said this is because his ammonia levels are high. They are giving him some medication to try to balance. Ammonia levels are high when our kidneys and liver aren’t functioning properly to filter the poisons in our body. With cancer in his kidney and cirrhosis of the liver, he’s definitely compromised.

I have long loved the verse above and find myself in prayer with God many times through the day.

Last year, my theme was WAIT. I think I’d agree with Rob’s son that the theme for this year is PRAY. Amazing things happen when we pray. God wants to bless us richly.

As my good friend, Art, told me yesterday. “God wants what’s good for you. STARE in HIS direction”

Staring in His direction and praying without ceasing,

SB

A new journey….

And just like that, we start a new year. My Facebook feed is full of words of wisdom from people, New Years resolutions, and best wishes for an awesome new beginning

I have none of that, today. I have only raw emotions from the events of the past few days. I am grieving and hopeful at the same time. I want so desperately for my friend to want help but have no idea if he does. Waiting for the withdrawal process to “complete” is excruciating. I wish I could speed the process up. He is being kept sedated to ease the effect on his body so he’s really not even coherent for a conversation.

This journey is like none I’ve ever been on before. It is new for me. I’m willing to learn what I can about addictions and willing to help Rob any way I can but I realize the choice is ultimately his. I have mentored teens who have gone through rehab and succeeded, but have never been this close to the actual process before.

I can’t help but feel as though I’ve failed somehow, mostly because I failed to see the signs of his usage. In my heart of hearts, I feel as though our friendship was a Divine appointment for God… for Rob to help me and me to help him. He has helped me over the past year and I’ve tried to help him. Now I realize that this is the hardest help effort on which I’ve ever embarked.

I know that when God calls us to something, if we are willing to be used, He will equip is with what we need. I am willing to let Him use me but genuinely afraid of failing. This is a life or death matter, truly. More than that, it’s an eternal matter. I know Rob professes to know Jesus and I’ve believed Him, but feel somehow that if he had fully surrendered to Jesus, his addiction would be healed. Perhaps that is too fairytale for reality.

Sorry for rambling, but I’m a mixed bag of emotions now. Please pray for me as I start this difficult journey.

In him

SB

The story is still not over….

In her book, Masquerade, author Samantha Barrett chronicles efforts of Charissa to help other in various circumstances. All too often, the people she tried to help fell from their newfound grace once again, returning to their old ways, leaving Charissa feeling like a failure.

The stories in the book are excerpts from real-life; parts of lives that could be yours or mine, but the effect of them on Charissa’s life sends her plummeting into the abyss of darkness and depression, feeling as if her life has been a failure due to her successive failures to positively impact lives.

One of the anecdotes in Masquerade was about a friendship between Charissa and Rob, a friendship that ended abruptly with no explanation.

In a real life story that has unfolded over the past 14 months, I have been part of one really deep effort to help a friend of mine get his life turned around. That friend is Rob from Masquerade. Parts of the last 14 months have been amazing, and I’ve seen the hand of God deliver blessing after blessing in both my life and his. Rob knows Jesus as his Savior and acknowledges past poor decisions, and has not only been battling cancer, but a history of alcohol abuse, which he told me was behind him after a trip through rehab in 2018.

Our friendship story has truly been amazing and I was (and still am) convinced that it was part of Gods plan for both of our lives. Although I don’t fully understand why, I am convinced that our friendship was designed for him to help me and me to help him, in different ways, but for Gods ultimate purpose, which is bringing people to saving knowledge in Jesus.

Several months ago, he had significant change in his health. I was the one who found him disoriented and confused and called an ambulance. It took the doctors several weeks to diagnose that he had a reaction to his cancer treatment that affected his brain. I was at his side every day, pleading with the doctors to keep looking for the cause of his illness. Eventually, after they diagnosed, they used a high dose of steroids and he returned to his full function. Along the way, there were many spiritual battles I faced, including questioning my own judgement of Gods blessings as misperceptions.

Since that time, I have been watching his behavior and looking for signs of his drinking. I’ve seen none. I’ve even searched his house looking for bottles. I’ve literally prayed that, should any drop of alcohol cross his lips, he’d become violently ill.

I introduced him to my friend, Bob, who I met through a mutual friend that knew about the book, Masquerade, and had asked me if I could help Bob write his story of God delivering him from alcoholism. I met Bob about a month before Rob and I reconnected. I felt all along as if that meeting were no coincidence. Bob shared his story of deliverance with my friend, and while I thought it was awesome, his delivery of it that day did not wow my friend.

Saturday, Rob told me he thought he had the flu. This is particularly bad is his present health condition. I talked with him several times throughout the day to check on him and was surprised in the evening to receive a call from his mother saying he went to the hospital. My husband and I went to see him at the hospital where he’s typically gone, but apparently he went to a different one. The next afternoon, I visited him there and talked with the nurse. Turns out he is in beginning stages of detox.

Quite honestly, I am devastated. I feel betrayed and heart sick at the same time. I don’t know the details of his recent drinking and/or his process of detox. I know I will not make excuses for him. I know that I care very deeply about him and want him to get well, both with his cancer and his addiction. I KNOW God is in the healing business. But I also know it’s up to him to accept the help he needs.

The more I see alcohol wreck lives, the more vehemently I despise it.

I don’t really know much about detox and/or recovery and am interested in any bits of wisdom anyone has to help me to be the best friend I can be and support him the best I can. I’d like to ask you all to pray that he will fully surrender his life and his addiction to Jesus.

Some of our journeys are full of wonder and grace, and other parts are filled with lesson and learning. I know all of it is necessary but sometimes I wish we didn’t have to journey through the hard stuff.

As we look to a new year, I am hoping for a new beginning for my friend, where he can get clean and sober once and for all. I pray for all those battling addiction this season, and, more importantly, those who don’t know Jesus, that they’d find Him and make the Lord of their lives.

Happy New Year

In Him,

SB

Calling on Jesus

Father, God, I thank you so very much for the holy baby that you sent to earth to save us from our sins; the baby who grew into the man who carried out Your plan of Salvation. I’m so very grateful for the Grace that you’ve provided a way to be reconciled with You, and I’m forever grateful to be part of Your holy family

I call on You now, Lord, for a healing touch in my dear friend. You alone know all of the details of his circumstances, and You know he loves You.

He’s got a story to tell, and I pray that You will give him continued opportunities to share his story (Your story) with others who need to see the real Jesus.

You’ve said to make our requests known to You… and I’m doing that. I love You and trust You with everything. In Your holy and precious name I pray,

Amen